SEPTEMBER 2025
XXXDAY SEPTEMBER XX XXXXAMPM
IF TIME IS LINEAR, SUMMER IS DISTORTED LIKE A SWOLLEN STOMACH.
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SUMMER IS A DAZE, A DAYDREAM. SUMMER IS OVER, THINGS BECOME QUIET IN A DAY’S PASSING. I LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF WATER.
“THE LARGER A MAN GROWS IN HIS OWN INNER DARKNESS, THE MORE HIS OUTER FORM DIMINISHES”
THINGS ARE BLOCKED AND DO NOT COME.
I GUESS I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO FIXATE ON TODAY.
LABRYNTH
ORBITING
OFFERING THE THING FOR YOU TO DISCOVER
AND PUT MEANING INTO
CHILL IN THE AIR THIS MORNING. BODY DEPLETED. LOW ENERGY.
I DON’T WANT TO DO MUCH TODAY. FALL BRINGS A YELLOW TO THE SUNLIGHT THAT PERSISTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY. EVERYTHING IS GOLDEN.
SOMETIMES I FORGET WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THE DAY BEFORE - I SLEEP SO DEEPLY AND WAKE INTO A NEW DAY.
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STILL – PEAKS, WITH MORE FREQUENT RETURNS TO BASE. WITH MORE PREDICTABILITY. WITH MORE KNOWLEDGE OF THRESHOLDS AND GREATER AWARENESS TO REMAIN WITHIN THEM.
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RESILIENCE!!
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SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE SEA AND FULL MOON…
MY TODAY DRAWINGS, NOW! SEPTEMBER 30TH…
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IN BOTH WINDOWS SEEN THE SAME THING BUT AT DIFFERENT TIMES. IS THE THING THE SAME THING, THEN? WHICH ONE IS THE CORRECT TRUE REAL THING? THE ONE SEEN IN THIS MOMENT OR THE ONE SEEN BEFORE?
STARTED WRITING DOWN MOMENTS OF THE DAY TO END THE DAY TO RECOUNT AND RELIVE MOMENTS THAT BLUR FROM ONE TO NEXT FROM ONE DAY TO NEXT; HERE I SLOW THEM DOWN, CAPTURE THEM …
*MOON DRAWING*
’SAW THE MOON SMILE AT ME BETWEEN SUN AND SEA’
WOKE UP WITH MY BED IN THE CENTER OF MY ROOM.
I SEE A RIPPLE IN THE OCEAN BELOW AS IF TWO PIECES OF LAND MEET AND IN BETWEEN A LINE OF FIRE, VOLCANIC MATTER DIVIDES, SPLITS.
“THE UNUSUAL TIMES”
“ON THE SURFACE, AN INTELLIGIBLE LIE; UNDERNEATH, THE UNINTELLIGIBLE TRUTH SHOWING THROUGH”
GOODBYE,
GOODBYE.
NOW I WILL CAPTURE THE MOMENT PASSED AND GIVE IT NEW LIFE.
(IN WRITING DOWN MOMENTS I RELIVE THE MOMENT AND LENGTHEN ITS LIFESPAN; WRITING IS EXPANDING TIME)
I WENT TOO FAST FOR MY SELF TODAY
AND THIS WHOLE WEEK
A WEEK AFTER I DID THE THING I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO EVERY DAY (I DIDN’T). TODAY:
TODAY I WANTED SO BADLY TO BE ALONE, THEN GOT MAD AT MYSELF FOR WANTING TO BE ALONE. THEN CRIED. OR FIRST WANTED TO CRY THEN GOT UPSET AT MYSELF FOR NEEDING TO CRY. THEN CRIED.
RUSHING THROUGH EVERYTHING
OR BEING ELSEWHERE.
I MUST REMEMBER TO BE IN A BODY
I MUST ACCEPT MY SELF AS I AM
AS I DO
I MUST ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE
AS THEY DO
I WAIT FOR WHAT COMES AND THAT
IS ME:
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WAITING IN SILENCE AND STILLNESS FOR
WHAT COMES
I PREPARE MY SELF BY BATHING IN THE
POOL OF NOTHINGNESS
EMPTY TO A LIMINAL STATE
WAITING IS A PRACTICE
WAITING IS AN ACTION
(IN LANGUAGE WAITING IS A VERB)
I PREPARE MY SELF TO BE RECEPTIVE
TO THE MOMENT
IN ORDER TO ACCEPT THE MOMENT FULLY
I MUST MAKE ROOM; I
EMPTY MY SELF.
BATHE IN THE POOL OF NOTHINGNESS
EMPTINESS IS THE PUREST FORM OF
BEING. CLOSEST TO NOT-BEING WHICH
IS THE ULTIMATE FORM.
NOT-BEING PRECEDES AND FOLLOWS US.
WE AS WE BEING IS SELF BETWEEN
NOT-BEING
I DON’T THINK I WILL UNDERSTAND UNTIL AFTER
WAYS OF MEASURING TIME:
100,000 HEARTBEATS IN ONE DAY.
HOW MANY BREATHS
HOW MANY WORDS SPOKEN?
STOPPING TIME IN TIME’S PASSING
MILES TRAVELED IN MACHINE
STEPS TAKEN IN MACHINE (BODY)
BLINKS OF AN EYE
HOW TO DRAW MOVEMENT
LIKE CAPTURING LIGHT
WATER IN CONSTANT MOTION
A FRAGMENT OF A
MOMENT IS NOW IN
THE PAST
NOW IN THE NOW
IS NOW IN THE PAST
HOW DOES TIME SHOW ITSELF?
HOW DOES TIME SHOW ITSELF:
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TIME MARKS THINGS AS
LIGHT CASTS A SHADOW
AS WRINKLES ON A FACE
...
THE REALITY IS NEVER AS THE DAYDREAM. THE REALITY IS NEVER AS GOOD AS THE DAYDREAM.
WRITING IS A DISCOVERY OF THE TRUTH: I ALLOW THE WORDS TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL WHEN THEY ARRIVE. I WONDER IF THEY WILL EVER MEAN SOMETHING. IF THE WORD BECOMES REAL THE DAYDREAM BECOMES REALITY AND – I WANT TO FILL MY HEAD WITH AIR. I WANT TO BE SWALLOWED BY THE SEA AND THE WATER TO REMOVE ME FROM MY I. I ONLY KNOW MY SELF ALONE AND NOW AND ANY OTHER PLACE AND TIME IS A MYSTERY. THE UNKNOWN IS A FEAR AND I LIVE IN EXTREMES – THE BIRDS AND THE FISH BETWEEN SKY AND WATER AND NOTHING GROUNDED. THE PRESENT IS THE DAYDREAM
IS MY REALITY AND WHAT IS EARTHLY IS TOO FIXED. WHAT IS TANGIBLE IS MARKED AND A THING MARKED IS SOLIDIFIED.
WATER TURNS INTO AIR IN A CYCLE LIKE SUN AND MOON: THESE THINGS MAKE SENSE. THE TANGIBLE MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE?
THE TANGIBLE IS FIXED AND LEAVES NO ROOM FOR THE DAYDREAM. I WISH THERE WAS A MACHINE TO RECORD MY THOUGHTS, ALL I HAVE IS A BODY MACHINE BUT SO MUCH IS LOST IN THE DISTANCE FROM HEAD TO HAND AND I NEED A MACHINE TO CAPTURE THAT. WHAT IS SAID IN THIS DISTANCE MAYBE IS WHAT I AM MISSING. ARE MY THOUGHTS LOCATED IN MY HEAD. WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES I – I CLOSED MY EYES AND I SEE THEM JUST BEHIND MY FOREHEAD, JUST BEHIND AND ABOVE MY EYES. I AM SEARCHING FOR WHAT’S BEHIND MY EYES.
MY FAITH IS IN WAITING AND I PREPARE MY SELF BY SPRAWLING NAKED ON A ROCK IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT, FACE UP AND EYES CLOSED; I SHOW FAITH MY FULL VULNERABILITY AND IN RETURN IT AWAKENS ME TO THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT. MOST OF LIFE IS MOMENTS UNNOTICED AND ONCE YOU SEE THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE MUST LIVE DAY-TO-DAY IN THE UNNOTICED. WITHOUT EXTREMES WE DISRESPECT THE MOMENT. WHEN THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT COMES YOU EXPERIENCE A MOMENT AS THE MOMENT.
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PROCESS
X DOES
Y DOES TO X
Z HAPPENS TO X OVER TIME
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SINCE I AM NOT X I AM NOT-X AND I SHOULD NOT TRY TO BE X. I SHOULD BE NOT-X.
I AM NOT-X.
NOT-X IS NOT A REACTION TO X BUT A POINT OF REFERENCE TO X.
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I KNOW I AM NOT-X
BECAUSE I COME INTO CONTACT
WITH X AND THINK,
“THAT IS NOT I”
AND IF X IS NOT I THEN WHAT IS I? MUST THE NOT-X BE DEFINED AS SOMETHING OTHER THAN NOT-X? OR NOT X?
I AM NOT X, I AM NOT-X.
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NOT-X HAS ONLY X AND ITSELF AS POINTS OF REFERENCE. X’S HAVE OTHER X’S AS POINTS OF REFERENCE, WHICH IS WHY AS A GROUP THEY ARE “X”
I KNOW X AS OTHER AS A POINT OF REFERENCE. X AS OTHER MEANS I AM NOT-X. SOMETIMES NOT-X COMES INTO CONTACT WITH OTHER NOT-X’S, BUT EACH NOT-X REMAINS NOT-X, AND ONE NOT-X IS NOT AS ANOTHER NOT-X.
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X AND NOT-X WILL NEVER BECOME ONE ANOTHER IN INTERACTION. THEY REMAIN AS POINTS OF CONTACT, AS “OTHER,” AND NEVER SHARE SPACE.
IDEAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NOT X’S: EACH NOT-X MAINTAINS ITS IDENTITY AS NOT-X WHILE ABLE TO CREATE A SHARED SPACE FOR BOTH NOT-X’S.
IF I WERE TO WRITE A BOOK, IT WOULD START WITH A GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW SHE GOT THERE. THE GIRL WOULD ASK QUESTIONS LIKE “WHY” TO AN EMPTY ROOM UNTIL ONE DAY SHE ASKS QUESTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE, WHO ALSO BRING UP QUESTIONS INSIDE OF HER. THE PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT HER IN SHOCK FOR HER JUST BEING, EVEN BEFORE SHE ASKS THE QUESTIONS, AND WHEN THE QUESTION IS ASKED IN FEAR THEY WILL REALIZE SHE IS A GIRL POOR IN KNOWLEDGE, AND THE FEAR WILL TURN INTO PITY WITH A TILT OF THE HEAD AND A SMILE WITH TEETH. THEN THE PEOPLE WANT TO GET CLOSER, TO HELP THE GIRL. BUT ALL THE GIRL WANTS IS: TO KNOW. SHE WILL TRY TO KEEP HER EYES OPEN AS WIDE AS SHE CAN UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS HER SHE DOES NOT BLINK ENOUGH AND A QUESTION IS ANSWERED: IF SHE DOES NOT BLINK “ENOUGH,” THERE IS A RIGHT AMOUNT OF BLINKING A GIRL SHOULD PRODUCE AND SHE DOES NOT BLINK THE RIGHT AMOUNT. A GIRL SHOULD BLINK ENOUGH (BUT NOT TOO MUCH?), SO THE GIRL NOW KNOWS.
THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW KNOWS MORE LIKE THIS EACH DAY. SHE WILL LOOK AND WATCH AND LISTEN AND NOW SHE KNOWS: WHAT TO SAY, AND WANT TO SAY IT, AS HELLO UPON SEEING SOMEONE FAMILIAR; AND THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO EXPLAIN HERE AT THIS PART OF WRITING THE BOOK.
THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW BECOMES THE GIRL WHO KNOWS AND – FINALLY! SHE KNOWS. THE GIRL KNOWS HOW TO BE A GIRL THAT KNOWS. SHE WILL LIVE IN THIS KNOWING, KNOWING, UNTIL THE MOMENT THE NOT-KNOWING SEEPS BACK INTO THE GIRL. “AH, THIS FEELS FAMILIAR!” SHE SAYS, “I ALMOST FORGOT HOW TO NOT KNOW.” THE GIRL WILL FEED HER NOT KNOWING AND TEND TO IT LIKE A CHILD KNOWING FULL WELL THERE IS NOT PLACE FOR NOT KNOWING IN THE WORLD OF KNOWING. “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN,” SAYS THE GIRL WHO KNOWS, “EVEN IF I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES YOU, NOT-KNOWING.”
AND SO THE GIRL WHO KNOWS LIVES WITH HER NOT-KNOWING AS DOES A LOVER WITH A MISTRESS. THE GIRL WHO KNOWS DOES NOT KNOW THAT KNOWING IS A FACT AND NOT-KNOWING AN ACT, AND WORDS CAN BE READ AND DREAMS A DEAD END … THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW IS A GIRL ALONE.
THE GIRL WILL LIVE BETWEEN KNOWING AND NOT KNOWING, THINKING “OPPOSITES ATTRACT,” FORCING LIKE ENDS OF A MAGNET TO KISS. THE GIRL WHO KNOWS SHE DOES NOT KNOW, SHE DOES NOT KNOW SHE KNOWS.
THE GIRL WHO KNOWS DOES NOT KNOW HER ENERGY IS SPENT, SPLIT BETWEEN TWO WORLDS.
TO BE ≠ TO REPRESENT
NOT TO DEFINE THE THING BUT TO LET THE THING DEFINE ITSELF
PSYCHOGEOGRAPHY TAKES THE PRINCIPLE THAT EVERY THING EXPERIENCED IS A THING OBSERVED; IT ASSUMES THE ROLE OF SUBJECTIVITY AS AN INESCAPABLE NEUTRAL (BASELINE, CONTROL, GROUND).
THE GROUNDS OF SUBJECTIVITY
INTERNAL EXPERIENCE LIVES WITHIN COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE AND ALSO OUTSIDE OF IT, ON ITS OWN.
SHARED EXPERIENCE IS BETWEEN/WITHIN INTERNAL AND COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE
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SHARED EXPERIENCE (C) IS THE BRIDGE BETWEEN INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) AND COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A)?
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INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) EXISTS WITHIN COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A) AND ALSO OUTSIDE OF IT.
SHARED EXPERIENCE (C) IS AN EXPRESSION OF INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) THAT STRENGTHENS AND BUILDS COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A)
EXPERIENCE PRECEDES UNDERSTANDING AND HOW CAN I EXPLAIN MY SELF IF I EXPERIENCE MY SELF IN ITS VERY MOMENT OF BEING? UNDERSTANDING FOLLOWS EXPERIENCE AND EXPLANATION AFTER THAT SO NOW I AM SEPARATED TWO DEGREES FROM MY SELF. TWO INSTANTS AFTER MY SELF WHO IS ALREADY IN THE FUTURE IN THE NOW-PRESENT MOMENT OF BEING.
BEING-NOW IS CREATED IN THIS VERY MOMENT AND WHEN I TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE I AM ALREADY IN THE NEXT. AND SO I FOLLOW MY SELF – OBSERVE FROM A DISTANCE AS THE ONE BETWEEN THE LIVING SELF AND THE DREAMING SELF, BETWEEN THE SELF THAT SEES AND THE SELF THAT UNDERSTANDS.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING IN THIS WORLD WE ENTER ALONE. FROM ANOTHER WE ARE BORN, AND THEN
ENTER THE UNKNOWN WITH A BLANK STATE, AN EMPTINESS WHICH THE VOID OF THE FUTURE AND THE INFINITE DEPTH OF THE PRESENT WILL FILL
A LIGHTNESS, ALMOST UNBEARABLE, AS LETTERS ON A PAGE THAT BECOME WORDS ONLY AS YOU READ THEM
BEING IS SMALL BECAUSE IT IS SIMPLE.
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IT IS A SINGLE POINT OF ENTRY
INTO EACH MOMENT, THROUGH
WHICH ENTERS THE WORLD,
THROUGH WHICH NOTHING CAN ENTER OR BE CARRIED. THROUGH WHICH THE PRESENT IS A HAPPENING WITHOUT REFERENCE. THE PRESENT IS HAPPENING WITHOUT REMEMBERING THE PAST OR ANTICIPATING THE FUTURE. THROUGH THIS SMALL POINT THE WORLD IS BIG BECAUSE IT IS EVERYTHING.
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WHAT IS IT? HOW DOES IT MAKE ME FEEL?
WHY AND HOW DOES IT PROVOKE THIS REACTION IN ME?
HOW CAN THE “HOW” BE ABSTRACTED INTO A PROCESS?
ASKING QUESTIONS, PROVOKING THE THING THAT PROVOKES …
FINALLY: WHAT IF?
MOVING FROM OBSERVER TO AGENT; FROM LOOKING TO DOING.
FIRST, I AM THE OBJECT OF THE SUBJECT; THE SUBJECT (THING) PROVOKES A REACTION IN (TO) ME.
THEN, THE SUBJECT (THING) BECOMES AN OBJECT OF MY SELF (NOW SUBJECT) AS I PROVOKE A REACTION IN THE THING (OBJECT).
YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO BE AN OBJECT BEFORE YOU CAN BE A SUBJECT.
ON JANUARY 1 2026 I WILL BEGIN A PROJECT OF COLLECTING OBJECTS EACH DAY AND PRESENTING THEM IN A DIME BAG, ONE FOR EACH DAY. THE BAGS WILL BE STAPLED TO A SHEET SUSPENDED FROM THE CEILING OF MY LIVING SPACE. THE BAGS WILL BE ORDERED CHRONOLOGICALLY. I MUST FIND THE OBJECT(S) THE SAME DAY I PUT IT INTO THE BAG.
IN TIME (ONE YEAR) I WILL HAVE 365 BAGS STAPLED TO A SHEET, EACH BAG DOCUMENTING A DAY OF THE YEAR 2026. EACH BAG WILL COME WITH AN OBJECT(S) AND EACH OBJECT(S) WILL COME WITH A MEMORY. THIS IS HOW I WILL DOCUMENT MY YEAR 2026.
[IT IS A WAY OF CAPTURING AND VISUALIZING TIME. THIS IS A PROCESS. PHYSICAL WORK IS THE GHOST OF PROCESS. THE RESULT IS THE GHOST OF AN ACTION (OR REPETITIVE ACTIONS)]
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[AS A TRACE OF LIVING
AS LIVED EXPERIENCE
AS A RESULT OF EVERYDAY LIFE
AS A MORAL CODE FOR EXISTING
AS THE GHOST OF ACTION
NOT AS ANSWER BUT RESULT OF A QUESTION
NOT AS MADE BUT CONCEIVED
AS A PERPETUAL DISCOVERY OF SELF INSEPARABLE FROM LIFE AS A PERPETUAL DISCOVERY OF SELF]
...LIKE THE SILHOUETTE OF A FIGURE BLOCKING THE SUBJECT OF AN IMAGE.
EVERYTHING RELEASED INTO THE ABYSS … WAVES AT THE SAME FREQUENCY THAT ARE EMITTED AND NEVER RETURN.
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I ADMIT THAT I KNOW NOTHING AND EVERYTHING THERE IS, IS TO BE DISCOVERED. BUT NOT HELD ON TO. TO SEE AND KNOW EVERYTHING FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN RELEASED.
TO OBSERVE AND NOT HOLD.
TO LOOK WITHOUT SEEING.
TO SEE WITHOUT LOOKING.
TO EXPERIENCE WITHOUT THE FILTER OF SELF
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SELF COLORS PERCEPTION OF WORLD. SELF IS PRESCRIPTIVE.
TO PERCEIVE, THERE MUST BE A SUBJECT AND AN OBJECT, A PERCEIVER AND A THING PERCEIVED. TO PERCEIVE THE WORLD, A PERCEIVER IS INESCAPABLE: PERCEIVER-AS-SELF IS THE DEFAULT. THE SELF IS A PERCEIVER OF THE PERCEIVER; IT DEFINES THE TERMS AND LIMITS OF PERCEIVING.
TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT A SELF IS TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT LIMITS. DIRECT PERCEPTION. WHAT IS UNLIMITED IS UNDEFINED AND THEREFORE, UNKNOWN. TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT A SELF IS TO LIVE THE UNKNOWN. TOTALITY OF PERCEPTION REQUIRES NOT KNOWING.
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IF I LIVE IN THE FLAMES MY FLESH WILL BURN AND I’LL HAVE NOTHING TO HOLD ON TO. LEAVING THE FIRE UNATTENDED IS ANOTHER KIND OF DEATH WHERE ONE SLOWLY SUFFOCATES. LIVING BETWEEN BREATH AND FIRE AND SOMETIMES WATER TO BE THROWN. HOUSING THE ELEMENTS AS THEY COHABITATE, NAVIGATE, AS THE SEA ENGULFS THE FLAMES AND BOTH EVAPORATE INTO A SINGLE BREATH.
THE FIRE INSIDE OF ME LIES IDLE; I MOVE WITH THE SEA AS THE WIND BLOWS AND ONE SEASON CHANGES TO THE NEXT.
WHERE THE ELEMENTS SURFACE IN WORDS,
WHERE THE ROOTS BREAK THROUGH THE
GROUND AND FIND UNDERSTANDING
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THE ELEMENTS ARE MY ROOTS
THAT GROW UNTIL THEY REACH THE
SURFACE IN WORDS. THE
ROOTS LIVE IN MY
STOMACH WHERE THEY ARE
NOT MINE TO UNDERSTAND,
UNTIL THEY RISE
INTO MY CHEST WITH
SUCH BUILDING PRESSURE AND
FORCE MY HEAD TO DIGEST THEM INTO THOUGHTS.
THEN THE THOUGHTS BUILD
AND BECOME SATURATED AND MUST BE RELEASED VIA
THE THROAT; BE EXTERNALIZED. THIS IS WHERE
THEY OFTEN GET LOST IN TRANSLATION.
SUMMER IS A DAZE, A DAYDREAM. SUMMER IS OVER, THINGS BECOME QUIET IN A DAY’S PASSING. I LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF WATER.
“THE LARGER A MAN GROWS IN HIS OWN INNER DARKNESS, THE MORE HIS OUTER FORM DIMINISHES”
THINGS ARE BLOCKED AND DO NOT COME.
I GUESS I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO FIXATE ON TODAY.
LABRYNTH
ORBITING
OFFERING THE THING FOR YOU TO DISCOVER
AND PUT MEANING INTO
CHILL IN THE AIR THIS MORNING. BODY DEPLETED. LOW ENERGY.
I DON’T WANT TO DO MUCH TODAY. FALL BRINGS A YELLOW TO THE SUNLIGHT THAT PERSISTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY. EVERYTHING IS GOLDEN.
SOMETIMES I FORGET WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THE DAY BEFORE - I SLEEP SO DEEPLY AND WAKE INTO A NEW DAY.
STILL – PEAKS, WITH MORE FREQUENT RETURNS TO BASE. WITH MORE PREDICTABILITY. WITH MORE KNOWLEDGE OF THRESHOLDS AND GREATER AWARENESS TO REMAIN WITHIN THEM.
RESILIENCE!!
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE SEA AND FULL MOON…
MY TODAY DRAWINGS, NOW! SEPTEMBER 30TH…
‘I SEE NOW WHAT I DID NOT SEE BEFORE AND I ALSO SEE BEFORE AND THEY APPEAR TO BE THE SAME THOUGH ONE IS THEN AND THIS IS NOW AND IN LOOKING NOW THE BEFORE CHANGES’
IN BOTH WINDOWS SEEN THE SAME THING BUT AT DIFFERENT TIMES. IS THE THING THE SAME THING, THEN? WHICH ONE IS THE CORRECT TRUE REAL THING? THE ONE SEEN IN THIS MOMENT OR THE ONE SEEN BEFORE?
STARTED WRITING DOWN MOMENTS OF THE DAY TO END THE DAY TO RECOUNT AND RELIVE MOMENTS THAT BLUR FROM ONE TO NEXT FROM ONE DAY TO NEXT; HERE I SLOW THEM DOWN, CAPTURE THEM …
*MOON DRAWING*
’SAW THE MOON SMILE AT ME BETWEEN SUN AND SEA’
WOKE UP WITH MY BED IN THE CENTER OF MY ROOM.
I SEE A RIPPLE IN THE OCEAN BELOW AS IF TWO PIECES OF LAND MEET AND IN BETWEEN A LINE OF FIRE, VOLCANIC MATTER DIVIDES, SPLITS.
“THE UNUSUAL TIMES”
“ON THE SURFACE, AN INTELLIGIBLE LIE; UNDERNEATH, THE UNINTELLIGIBLE TRUTH SHOWING THROUGH”
GOODBYE,
GOODBYE.
NOW I WILL CAPTURE THE MOMENT PASSED AND GIVE IT NEW LIFE.
(IN WRITING DOWN MOMENTS I RELIVE THE MOMENT AND LENGTHEN ITS LIFESPAN; WRITING IS EXPANDING TIME)
I WENT TOO FAST FOR MY SELF TODAY
AND THIS WHOLE WEEK
A WEEK AFTER I DID THE THING I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO EVERY DAY (I DIDN’T). TODAY:
TODAY I WANTED SO BADLY TO BE ALONE, THEN GOT MAD AT MYSELF FOR WANTING TO BE ALONE. THEN CRIED. OR FIRST WANTED TO CRY THEN GOT UPSET AT MYSELF FOR NEEDING TO CRY. THEN CRIED.
RUSHING THROUGH EVERYTHING
OR BEING ELSEWHERE.
I MUST REMEMBER TO BE IN A BODY
I MUST ACCEPT MY SELF AS I AM
AS I DO
I MUST ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE
AS THEY DO
I WAIT FOR WHAT COMES AND THAT
IS ME:
WAITING IN SILENCE AND STILLNESS FOR
WHAT COMES
I PREPARE MY SELF BY BATHING IN THE
POOL OF NOTHINGNESS
EMPTY TO A LIMINAL STATE
WAITING IS A PRACTICE
WAITING IS AN ACTION
(IN LANGUAGE WAITING IS A VERB)
I PREPARE MY SELF TO BE RECEPTIVE
TO THE MOMENT
IN ORDER TO ACCEPT THE MOMENT FULLY
I MUST MAKE ROOM; I
EMPTY MY SELF.
BATHE IN THE POOL OF NOTHINGNESS
EMPTINESS IS THE PUREST FORM OF
BEING. CLOSEST TO NOT-BEING WHICH
IS THE ULTIMATE FORM.
NOT-BEING PRECEDES AND FOLLOWS US.
WE AS WE BEING IS SELF BETWEEN
NOT-BEING
I DON’T THINK I WILL UNDERSTAND UNTIL AFTER
WAYS OF MEASURING TIME:
100,000 HEARTBEATS IN ONE DAY.
HOW MANY BREATHS
HOW MANY WORDS SPOKEN?
STOPPING TIME IN TIME’S PASSING
MILES TRAVELED IN MACHINE
STEPS TAKEN IN MACHINE (BODY)
BLINKS OF AN EYE
HOW TO DRAW MOVEMENT
LIKE CAPTURING LIGHT
WATER IN CONSTANT MOTION
A FRAGMENT OF A
MOMENT IS NOW IN
THE PAST
NOW IN THE NOW
IS NOW IN THE PAST
HOW DOES TIME SHOW ITSELF?
HOW DOES TIME SHOW ITSELF:
ROCK FORMATIONS CHANGE OVER TIME
FROM HORIZONTAL ALIGNED WITH
EARTH’S PLANE TO …
SHIFTS IN THE EARTH’S CORE ALTER
THE PERCEPTIBLE LANDSCAPE
WHAT WAS, IS NOW:
A LINE ONCE STRAIGHT NOW
TILTING WITH TIME.
STRIATIONS ARE TIME’S APPEARANCE
TIME MARKS THINGS AS
LIGHT CASTS A SHADOW
AS WRINKLES ON A FACE
...
THE REALITY IS NEVER AS THE DAYDREAM. THE REALITY IS NEVER AS GOOD AS THE DAYDREAM.
WRITING IS A DISCOVERY OF THE TRUTH: I ALLOW THE WORDS TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL WHEN THEY ARRIVE. I WONDER IF THEY WILL EVER MEAN SOMETHING. IF THE WORD BECOMES REAL THE DAYDREAM BECOMES REALITY AND – I WANT TO FILL MY HEAD WITH AIR. I WANT TO BE SWALLOWED BY THE SEA AND THE WATER TO REMOVE ME FROM MY I. I ONLY KNOW MY SELF ALONE AND NOW AND ANY OTHER PLACE AND TIME IS A MYSTERY. THE UNKNOWN IS A FEAR AND I LIVE IN EXTREMES – THE BIRDS AND THE FISH BETWEEN SKY AND WATER AND NOTHING GROUNDED. THE PRESENT IS THE DAYDREAM
IS MY REALITY AND WHAT IS EARTHLY IS TOO FIXED. WHAT IS TANGIBLE IS MARKED AND A THING MARKED IS SOLIDIFIED.
WATER TURNS INTO AIR IN A CYCLE LIKE SUN AND MOON: THESE THINGS MAKE SENSE. THE TANGIBLE MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE?
THE TANGIBLE IS FIXED AND LEAVES NO ROOM FOR THE DAYDREAM. I WISH THERE WAS A MACHINE TO RECORD MY THOUGHTS, ALL I HAVE IS A BODY MACHINE BUT SO MUCH IS LOST IN THE DISTANCE FROM HEAD TO HAND AND I NEED A MACHINE TO CAPTURE THAT. WHAT IS SAID IN THIS DISTANCE MAYBE IS WHAT I AM MISSING. ARE MY THOUGHTS LOCATED IN MY HEAD. WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES I – I CLOSED MY EYES AND I SEE THEM JUST BEHIND MY FOREHEAD, JUST BEHIND AND ABOVE MY EYES. I AM SEARCHING FOR WHAT’S BEHIND MY EYES.
MY FAITH IS IN WAITING AND I PREPARE MY SELF BY SPRAWLING NAKED ON A ROCK IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT, FACE UP AND EYES CLOSED; I SHOW FAITH MY FULL VULNERABILITY AND IN RETURN IT AWAKENS ME TO THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT. MOST OF LIFE IS MOMENTS UNNOTICED AND ONCE YOU SEE THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE MUST LIVE DAY-TO-DAY IN THE UNNOTICED. WITHOUT EXTREMES WE DISRESPECT THE MOMENT. WHEN THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT COMES YOU EXPERIENCE A MOMENT AS THE MOMENT.
PROCESS
X DOES
Y DOES TO X
Z HAPPENS TO X OVER TIME
SINCE I AM NOT X I AM NOT-X AND I SHOULD NOT TRY TO BE X. I SHOULD BE NOT-X.
I AM NOT-X.
NOT-X IS NOT A REACTION TO X BUT A POINT OF REFERENCE TO X.
I KNOW I AM NOT-X
BECAUSE I COME INTO CONTACT
WITH X AND THINK,
“THAT IS NOT I”
AND IF X IS NOT I THEN WHAT IS I? MUST THE NOT-X BE DEFINED AS SOMETHING OTHER THAN NOT-X? OR NOT X?
I AM NOT X, I AM NOT-X.
NOT-X HAS ONLY X AND ITSELF AS POINTS OF REFERENCE. X’S HAVE OTHER X’S AS POINTS OF REFERENCE, WHICH IS WHY AS A GROUP THEY ARE “X”
I KNOW X AS OTHER AS A POINT OF REFERENCE. X AS OTHER MEANS I AM NOT-X. SOMETIMES NOT-X COMES INTO CONTACT WITH OTHER NOT-X’S, BUT EACH NOT-X REMAINS NOT-X, AND ONE NOT-X IS NOT AS ANOTHER NOT-X.
X AND NOT-X WILL NEVER BECOME ONE ANOTHER IN INTERACTION. THEY REMAIN AS POINTS OF CONTACT, AS “OTHER,” AND NEVER SHARE SPACE.
IDEAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NOT X’S: EACH NOT-X MAINTAINS ITS IDENTITY AS NOT-X WHILE ABLE TO CREATE A SHARED SPACE FOR BOTH NOT-X’S.
IF I WERE TO WRITE A BOOK, IT WOULD START WITH A GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW SHE GOT THERE. THE GIRL WOULD ASK QUESTIONS LIKE “WHY” TO AN EMPTY ROOM UNTIL ONE DAY SHE ASKS QUESTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE, WHO ALSO BRING UP QUESTIONS INSIDE OF HER. THE PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT HER IN SHOCK FOR HER JUST BEING, EVEN BEFORE SHE ASKS THE QUESTIONS, AND WHEN THE QUESTION IS ASKED IN FEAR THEY WILL REALIZE SHE IS A GIRL POOR IN KNOWLEDGE, AND THE FEAR WILL TURN INTO PITY WITH A TILT OF THE HEAD AND A SMILE WITH TEETH. THEN THE PEOPLE WANT TO GET CLOSER, TO HELP THE GIRL. BUT ALL THE GIRL WANTS IS: TO KNOW. SHE WILL TRY TO KEEP HER EYES OPEN AS WIDE AS SHE CAN UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS HER SHE DOES NOT BLINK ENOUGH AND A QUESTION IS ANSWERED: IF SHE DOES NOT BLINK “ENOUGH,” THERE IS A RIGHT AMOUNT OF BLINKING A GIRL SHOULD PRODUCE AND SHE DOES NOT BLINK THE RIGHT AMOUNT. A GIRL SHOULD BLINK ENOUGH (BUT NOT TOO MUCH?), SO THE GIRL NOW KNOWS.
THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW KNOWS MORE LIKE THIS EACH DAY. SHE WILL LOOK AND WATCH AND LISTEN AND NOW SHE KNOWS: WHAT TO SAY, AND WANT TO SAY IT, AS HELLO UPON SEEING SOMEONE FAMILIAR; AND THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO EXPLAIN HERE AT THIS PART OF WRITING THE BOOK.
THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW BECOMES THE GIRL WHO KNOWS AND – FINALLY! SHE KNOWS. THE GIRL KNOWS HOW TO BE A GIRL THAT KNOWS. SHE WILL LIVE IN THIS KNOWING, KNOWING, UNTIL THE MOMENT THE NOT-KNOWING SEEPS BACK INTO THE GIRL. “AH, THIS FEELS FAMILIAR!” SHE SAYS, “I ALMOST FORGOT HOW TO NOT KNOW.” THE GIRL WILL FEED HER NOT KNOWING AND TEND TO IT LIKE A CHILD KNOWING FULL WELL THERE IS NOT PLACE FOR NOT KNOWING IN THE WORLD OF KNOWING. “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN,” SAYS THE GIRL WHO KNOWS, “EVEN IF I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES YOU, NOT-KNOWING.”
AND SO THE GIRL WHO KNOWS LIVES WITH HER NOT-KNOWING AS DOES A LOVER WITH A MISTRESS. THE GIRL WHO KNOWS DOES NOT KNOW THAT KNOWING IS A FACT AND NOT-KNOWING AN ACT, AND WORDS CAN BE READ AND DREAMS A DEAD END … THE GIRL WHO DOES NOT KNOW IS A GIRL ALONE.
THE GIRL WILL LIVE BETWEEN KNOWING AND NOT KNOWING, THINKING “OPPOSITES ATTRACT,” FORCING LIKE ENDS OF A MAGNET TO KISS. THE GIRL WHO KNOWS SHE DOES NOT KNOW, SHE DOES NOT KNOW SHE KNOWS.
THE GIRL WHO KNOWS DOES NOT KNOW HER ENERGY IS SPENT, SPLIT BETWEEN TWO WORLDS.
TO BE ≠ TO REPRESENT
NOT TO DEFINE THE THING BUT TO LET THE THING DEFINE ITSELF
PSYCHOGEOGRAPHY TAKES THE PRINCIPLE THAT EVERY THING EXPERIENCED IS A THING OBSERVED; IT ASSUMES THE ROLE OF SUBJECTIVITY AS AN INESCAPABLE NEUTRAL (BASELINE, CONTROL, GROUND).
THE GROUNDS OF SUBJECTIVITY
PERSONAL REALITY V. SHARED REALITY
LINKING WHAT IS KNOWN AS REAL TO WHAT IS KNOWN
LINKING EARTH (WHAT IS) TO MIND (WHAT IS THOUGHT) AND BODY (WHAT IS SPOKEN)
INTERNAL EXPERIENCE LIVES WITHIN COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE AND ALSO OUTSIDE OF IT, ON ITS OWN.
SHARED EXPERIENCE IS BETWEEN/WITHIN INTERNAL AND COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE
SHARED EXPERIENCE (C) IS THE BRIDGE BETWEEN INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) AND COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A)?
INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) EXISTS WITHIN COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A) AND ALSO OUTSIDE OF IT.
SHARED EXPERIENCE (C) IS AN EXPRESSION OF INTERNAL EXPERIENCE (B) THAT STRENGTHENS AND BUILDS COLLECTIVE EXPERIENCE (A)
EXPERIENCE PRECEDES UNDERSTANDING AND HOW CAN I EXPLAIN MY SELF IF I EXPERIENCE MY SELF IN ITS VERY MOMENT OF BEING? UNDERSTANDING FOLLOWS EXPERIENCE AND EXPLANATION AFTER THAT SO NOW I AM SEPARATED TWO DEGREES FROM MY SELF. TWO INSTANTS AFTER MY SELF WHO IS ALREADY IN THE FUTURE IN THE NOW-PRESENT MOMENT OF BEING.
BEING-NOW IS CREATED IN THIS VERY MOMENT AND WHEN I TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE I AM ALREADY IN THE NEXT. AND SO I FOLLOW MY SELF – OBSERVE FROM A DISTANCE AS THE ONE BETWEEN THE LIVING SELF AND THE DREAMING SELF, BETWEEN THE SELF THAT SEES AND THE SELF THAT UNDERSTANDS.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING IN THIS WORLD WE ENTER ALONE. FROM ANOTHER WE ARE BORN, AND THEN
ENTER THE UNKNOWN WITH A BLANK STATE, AN EMPTINESS WHICH THE VOID OF THE FUTURE AND THE INFINITE DEPTH OF THE PRESENT WILL FILL
A LIGHTNESS, ALMOST UNBEARABLE, AS LETTERS ON A PAGE THAT BECOME WORDS ONLY AS YOU READ THEM
BEING IS SMALL BECAUSE IT IS SIMPLE.
IT IS A SINGLE POINT OF ENTRY
INTO EACH MOMENT, THROUGH
WHICH ENTERS THE WORLD,
THROUGH WHICH NOTHING CAN ENTER OR BE CARRIED. THROUGH WHICH THE PRESENT IS A HAPPENING WITHOUT REFERENCE. THE PRESENT IS HAPPENING WITHOUT REMEMBERING THE PAST OR ANTICIPATING THE FUTURE. THROUGH THIS SMALL POINT THE WORLD IS BIG BECAUSE IT IS EVERYTHING.
WHAT IS IT? HOW DOES IT MAKE ME FEEL?
WHY AND HOW DOES IT PROVOKE THIS REACTION IN ME?
HOW CAN THE “HOW” BE ABSTRACTED INTO A PROCESS?
ASKING QUESTIONS, PROVOKING THE THING THAT PROVOKES …
FINALLY: WHAT IF?
MOVING FROM OBSERVER TO AGENT; FROM LOOKING TO DOING.
FIRST, I AM THE OBJECT OF THE SUBJECT; THE SUBJECT (THING) PROVOKES A REACTION IN (TO) ME.
THEN, THE SUBJECT (THING) BECOMES AN OBJECT OF MY SELF (NOW SUBJECT) AS I PROVOKE A REACTION IN THE THING (OBJECT).
YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO BE AN OBJECT BEFORE YOU CAN BE A SUBJECT.
ON JANUARY 1 2026 I WILL BEGIN A PROJECT OF COLLECTING OBJECTS EACH DAY AND PRESENTING THEM IN A DIME BAG, ONE FOR EACH DAY. THE BAGS WILL BE STAPLED TO A SHEET SUSPENDED FROM THE CEILING OF MY LIVING SPACE. THE BAGS WILL BE ORDERED CHRONOLOGICALLY. I MUST FIND THE OBJECT(S) THE SAME DAY I PUT IT INTO THE BAG.
IN TIME (ONE YEAR) I WILL HAVE 365 BAGS STAPLED TO A SHEET, EACH BAG DOCUMENTING A DAY OF THE YEAR 2026. EACH BAG WILL COME WITH AN OBJECT(S) AND EACH OBJECT(S) WILL COME WITH A MEMORY. THIS IS HOW I WILL DOCUMENT MY YEAR 2026.
[IT IS A WAY OF CAPTURING AND VISUALIZING TIME. THIS IS A PROCESS. PHYSICAL WORK IS THE GHOST OF PROCESS. THE RESULT IS THE GHOST OF AN ACTION (OR REPETITIVE ACTIONS)]
[AS A TRACE OF LIVING
AS LIVED EXPERIENCE
AS A RESULT OF EVERYDAY LIFE
AS A MORAL CODE FOR EXISTING
AS THE GHOST OF ACTION
NOT AS ANSWER BUT RESULT OF A QUESTION
NOT AS MADE BUT CONCEIVED
AS A PERPETUAL DISCOVERY OF SELF INSEPARABLE FROM LIFE AS A PERPETUAL DISCOVERY OF SELF]
...LIKE THE SILHOUETTE OF A FIGURE BLOCKING THE SUBJECT OF AN IMAGE.
EVERYTHING RELEASED INTO THE ABYSS … WAVES AT THE SAME FREQUENCY THAT ARE EMITTED AND NEVER RETURN.
I ADMIT THAT I KNOW NOTHING AND EVERYTHING THERE IS, IS TO BE DISCOVERED. BUT NOT HELD ON TO. TO SEE AND KNOW EVERYTHING FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN RELEASED.
TO OBSERVE AND NOT HOLD.
TO LOOK WITHOUT SEEING.
TO SEE WITHOUT LOOKING.
TO EXPERIENCE WITHOUT THE FILTER OF SELF
SELF COLORS PERCEPTION OF WORLD. SELF IS PRESCRIPTIVE.
TO PERCEIVE, THERE MUST BE A SUBJECT AND AN OBJECT, A PERCEIVER AND A THING PERCEIVED. TO PERCEIVE THE WORLD, A PERCEIVER IS INESCAPABLE: PERCEIVER-AS-SELF IS THE DEFAULT. THE SELF IS A PERCEIVER OF THE PERCEIVER; IT DEFINES THE TERMS AND LIMITS OF PERCEIVING.
TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT A SELF IS TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT LIMITS. DIRECT PERCEPTION. WHAT IS UNLIMITED IS UNDEFINED AND THEREFORE, UNKNOWN. TO PERCEIVE WITHOUT A SELF IS TO LIVE THE UNKNOWN. TOTALITY OF PERCEPTION REQUIRES NOT KNOWING.
IF I LIVE IN THE FLAMES MY FLESH WILL BURN AND I’LL HAVE NOTHING TO HOLD ON TO. LEAVING THE FIRE UNATTENDED IS ANOTHER KIND OF DEATH WHERE ONE SLOWLY SUFFOCATES. LIVING BETWEEN BREATH AND FIRE AND SOMETIMES WATER TO BE THROWN. HOUSING THE ELEMENTS AS THEY COHABITATE, NAVIGATE, AS THE SEA ENGULFS THE FLAMES AND BOTH EVAPORATE INTO A SINGLE BREATH.
THE FIRE INSIDE OF ME LIES IDLE; I MOVE WITH THE SEA AS THE WIND BLOWS AND ONE SEASON CHANGES TO THE NEXT.
WHERE THE ELEMENTS SURFACE IN WORDS,
WHERE THE ROOTS BREAK THROUGH THE
GROUND AND FIND UNDERSTANDING
THE ELEMENTS ARE MY ROOTS
THAT GROW UNTIL THEY REACH THE
SURFACE IN WORDS. THE
ROOTS LIVE IN MY
STOMACH WHERE THEY ARE
NOT MINE TO UNDERSTAND,
UNTIL THEY RISE
INTO MY CHEST WITH
SUCH BUILDING PRESSURE AND
FORCE MY HEAD TO DIGEST THEM INTO THOUGHTS.
THEN THE THOUGHTS BUILD
AND BECOME SATURATED AND MUST BE RELEASED VIA
THE THROAT; BE EXTERNALIZED. THIS IS WHERE
THEY OFTEN GET LOST IN TRANSLATION.
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