FEBRUARY 2024

CONEY ISLAND
EVERYTHING WAS STILL



WHEN THINGS ARE ABANDONED THEY’VE HAD MANY LIVES



I AM 25 TODAY
25 LIVES TODAY?

I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WORDS WE USE AROUND TIME, WHICH MAKES IT SOUND LIKE A COMMODITY: SPENDING TIME, MAKING TIME, USING TIME. WE DO NOT OWN TIME AND IT IS NOT OURS TO POSSESS. TIME OWNS US, IN A SENSE. TIME IS A KNOWN CONSTANT, A TRUTH OF WAKING LIFE. TIME FACILITATES LIFE, PACES LIFE. WE CAN DECIDE WHAT WE DO IN A GIVEN MOMENT. WE CANNOT MAKE TIME GO SLOWER OR FASTER, ONLY CHANGE HOW WE SEE/THINK ABOUT IT OR DON’T.

MORE INTENTIONALITY WITH “FREE” TIME (WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF “FREE” TIME? TIME IS EITHER ALWAYS FREE OR NEVER FREE…), LESS CONTROLLING ABOUT TIME WHEN IT PERTAINS TO OPPORTUNITY/SPONTANEITY. ALLOWING MYSELF TO GIVE UP MY FEARS/WORRIES/DREAD AS  IT PERTAINS TO THE FUTURE, ESPECIALLY WITH REGARD TO THE UNKNOWN. THERE IS NO USE IN PREDICTING HOW I WILL FEEL IN A FUTURE SITUATION IF I HAVE NO EVIDENCE TO BACK UP THAT PREDICTION, ESPECIALLY IF MY INITIAL FEELINGS DO NOT ALIGN WITH MY ACTUAL EXPERIENCE OF THE EVENT.

OPENING MY MIND UP TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES AND POSSIBILITIES, NEW WAYS OF BEING, FEELING, ACTING. MORE SURPRISING MYSELF, MORE PUTTING MYSELF INTO SITUATIONS THAT ALLOW ME TO SURPRISE MYSELF- PUSHING AND TESTING LIMITS, CAPABILITIES. MORE RISK. MORE TRYING AND COMMITTING TO THINGS THAT I AM UNSURE ARE POSSIBLE.

LESS FEAR OF FAILURE, MORE WILLINGNESS TO TRY WITHOUT FEAR OF “WASTING” TIME OR ENERGY. ENERGY CANNOT BE CREATED OR DESTROYED. EXCITEMENT, CREATION, INNOVATION, WHOLENESS, COME AT THE THRESHOLD OF WILLINGNESS AND ACTION. COMES TO FRUITION THROUGH COMMITMENT (SUSTAINED WORK + INTEREST) AND FLEXIBILITY; BEING ABLE TO COMMIT TO THE PROCESS WITHOUT ATTACHMENT TO THE RESULTS.

LIFE AT THE SCALE OF BEGINNING TO END IS A METAPHOR, A MENTALITY THAT CAN AND SHOULD BE APPLIED TO EVERYTHING. WE BEGIN, COME TO, FROM SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES, A FORCE GREATER THAN US THAT IMPARTS LIFE ONTO US. NOT BY CHOICE. THE SAME APPLIES TO IDEAS AND DECISIONS. EVEN AS WE COME TO CONSCIOUSNESS, WE FIND ANSWERS IN STILLNESS, NOT ALWAYS BY CHOICE OR DESIRE.

THERE IS A LOT TO BE LEARNED FROM TREATING ANY GIVEN MOMENT AS IF WE ARE A NEWBORN, AS IF WE ARE CONSTANTLY BEING GIVEN LIFE THROUGH OUR OWN THOUGHTS, THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE, THROUGH OUR SURROUNDINGS. TAKING EVERYTHING AS A SIGN OF MEANING AND INTENTION IMPARTED ONTO US. REMOVE ANY CONCEPTIONS OF WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW, ANY JUDGEMENTS THAT ARE REMOVED FROM DIRECT OBSERVATIONS. BE NEW BORN- USE OUR SENSES (PHYSICAL) TO GUIDE US RATHER THAN OUR INGRAINED THOUGHTS/BELIEFS (MENTAL/CONSCIOUSNESS). APPROACH LIFE WITH CURIOSITY RATHER THAN JUDGMENT, BRING QUESTIONS RATHER THAN COMMENTS OR ASSERTIONS.

GUIDED BY OBSERVATIONS- BY WHAT WE ACTUALLY SEE RATHER THAN WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW. TO TUNE INTO OBSERVATION REQUIRES BEING AND REMAINING IN THE PRESENT. NEWBORNS KNOW NOTHING BUT THE PRESENT, NOR DO ANIMALS. THEY MAY HOLD KNOWLEDGE OF PAST EXPERIENCE THAT THEY SUB/CONSCIOUSLY USE TO INFORM THE PRESENT, BUT THEY ARE NOT ATTACHED TO THE PAST OR FUTURE. THERE IS NO NEED TO BE, NO NEED TO DO SO. NO PREOCCUPATION, NO REGRET, NO WORRY. JUST BEING. IRREVERENCE OF PAST EXPERIENCE CAN EQUATE TO IRREVERENCE OF FUTURE EXPERIENCE IF WE THINK ABOUT THE END OF THE SPAN OF LIFE, OF DEATH.

WHAT ARE WE TRULY WORKING TOWARDS IN LIFE? WE ARE WORKING TOWARDS DEATH; AN END. AN END TO A BEGINNING. ALL BEGINNINGS HAVE ENDS, AT DIFFERENT TIME SCALES. THE END OF LIFE IS AN UNKNOWN. WE ARE NOT BORN WITH A TIMELINE WE ARE AWARE OF. THAT IS A GIVEN UNKNOWN, A FACT OF LIFE. I WILL DIE AND I WILL NOT KNOW WHEN UNTIL IT HAPPENS. LIVING A LIFE KNOWING (CONSCIOUSLY OR SUBCONSCIOUSLY) THAT I COULD/CAN DIE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, THAT I AM ALIVE RIGHT THIS MOMENT BUT MAY NOT BE IN THE NEXT. OUR SURVIVAL INSTINCTS, INSTINCTS TO PROTECT OURSELVES AND OTHERS AND PROVIDE SAFETY AND STABILITY, HAVE OUR “BEST” INTEREST IN MIND, AN INTEREST TO MAINTAIN AND UPHOLD LIFE. ARE THEY CONSTANTLY AWARE OF THE EVER-PRESENT POSSIBILITY OF DEATH? 

WHAT IF WE CONSCIOUSLY WERE TO DO THE SAME? IF WE WERE CONSTANTLY CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF THE TEMPORALITY AND FRAGILITY OF OUR EXISTENCE? HOW WOULD WE ACT, THINK, LIVE IF WE KNEW AT EVERY MOMENT THAT WE MAY NOT HAVE ANOTHER? PRIORITIES WOULD CHANGE, THE WAYS WE THINK ABOUT AND TREAT OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER WOULD CHANGE. A CONSTANT AWARENESS OF THE BEGINNING OF LIFE, THE END OF LIFE. REMAINING PRESENT WHILE ALSO BEING AWARE OF THIS SCALE, AWARE OF OUR BEGINNING AND OUR END. THINGS BECOME MORE IMPORTANT, THINGS BECOME LESS IMPORTANT. VALUES CHANGE. EACH MOMENT BECOMES PRECIOUS, EACH INTERACTION A GIFT, EVERY EXPERIENCE/OBSERVATION A NOVELTY. MINOR INCONVENIENCES, WORRIES, CONFLICTS BECOME TRITE. GREATER VIOLENCE BECOMES ABHORRENT/DISPICABLE. WE ACKNOWLEDGE OUR CAPABILITIES, POTENTIAL, AND LIMITS; AND WE RECOGNIZE THESE IN OTHERS.

BIRTH AND DEATH ARE INEVITABLE AND WE CAN ONLY EXIST IN BETWEEN THE TWO, IN BETWEEN PAST AND FUTURE. WE CAN ONLY EXIST IN THE PRESENT.

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SKETCHES FOR A MODULAR COUCH


SKETCHES FOR A MURPHY BED

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