JUNE 2026
HIS MIND IS DISTRACTED, HIS FEELINGS ARE OVERTAKEN—HE IS SPLIT BETWEEN TWO SIDES OF HIMSELF, SPLIT IN TWO; THE SIDE THAT HOLDS ONTO HIMSELF AND HIS MISERY, AND THE SIDE THAT IS GIVEN UP, THAT IS IN THE WORLD. THE THINKING SELF VERSUS THE FEELING SELF.
THE THINKING SELF, THE THINKING MAN, IS ALMOST ALWAYS THE MAN IN DESPAIR, THE MAN OF SELF-LOATHING, THE MAN WHO HAS BOTH AN UNDERLYING, PERSISTENT DEATH WISH AND A PERSISTENT FEAR OF DEATH. DEATH, IN THE BIOLOGICAL SENSE, AND THE DEATH OF HIMSELF—A DEATH OF THE SELF HE HAS COME TO KNOW AND DEFINE HIMSELF AS.
THE MAN IN THOUGHT IS SO CONCERNED WITH HIS CONCEPT OF SELF, WITH DEFINING, REDEFINING, KNOWING HIMSELF, THAT HE FORGETS TO BE HIMSELF. HIS THOUGHTS LIMIT HIS REALITY TO WORDS, AND HIS LIFE BECOMES A CONSTANT AND EVER-INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATING BATTLE TO UNDERSTAND, TO KNOW. HE IS OBSESSED WITH KNOWING AND IN THAT, CONTROLLING. THE THINKING MAN HAS A NEED TO DEFINE, TO LABEL, TO SORT; TO MAKE SENSE OF HIMSELF, OF THE WORLD, OF HIMSELF IN THE WORLD.
THE INTERIOR WORLD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THE EXTERIOR WORLD FOR THE THINKING MAN, HIS INNER REALITY MORE REAL THAN EXTERNAL REALITY. I THINK, THEREFORE I AM; I THINK WHAT I BELIEVE, THEREFORE I BELIEVE WHAT I THINK. I AM A CLOSED LOOP OF THOUGHT.
THE CLOSED CYCLE LEAVES NO ROOM FOR WHAT LIES OUTSIDE OF THE “I.” I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK; YOU DO NOT THINK ME INTO EXISTENCE.
HOWEVER; WHAT I THINK AND WHAT I AM, LINKED AS DEPENDENT CLAUSES, IS AFFECTED BY WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU ARE. MAN DOES NOT EXIST IN AN ISOLATED ECHO CHAMBER OF HIMSELF, OF THE “I,” AS MUCH AS HE MAY THINK HIMSELF INTO ONE.
WHEN THE CYCLE OF “I” IS INTERRUPTED, MAN IS CONFRONTED WITH HIMSELF. HE BECOMES A REACTIONARY “I” RATHER THAN A SELF-AFFIRMING “I.” HIS SENSE OF SELF, HIS CONCEPT OF “I,” IS CHALLENGED.
MAN IS ABLE TO MAINTAIN AND UPHOLD A CONSISTENT SENSE OF IDENTITY AS LONG AS HE IS NOT CONFRONTED WITH THE OTHER. THIS IDENTIFIED SELF IS SEEN AS STABLE BECAUSE IT IS SEEN AS RESILIENT. BUT A MAN WHO DOES NOT CHANGE PUTS ALL OF HIS ENERGY INTO PRESERVING AND HOLDING ONTO WHAT HE KNOWS TO BE HIMSELF; HE DOES NOT LEARN, HE DOES NOT GROW, HE DOES NOT ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE IMPACTED, AFFECTED, CHANGED. HE DOES NOT EVOLVE.
WHAT IN NATURE DOES NOT CHANGE AND EVOLVE OVER TIME? IN MAN’S RESISTANCE TO THE EXTERNAL, IN HIS STEADFAST STRENGTH AND GOAL OF HOLDING ONTO HIMSELF, HE DEFIES HIS OWN NATURE. WHAT A PARADOX! HE THINKS HE IS GREATER THAN OTHER MEN, THEN MAN HIMSELF, BECAUSE OF HIS SELF-WILL. HIS OWN IDEA OF HIS NATURE TAKES ALL PRECEDENCE AND GUIDANCE OVER WHAT NATURE HAS GIVEN HIM. HAS BIRTHED OF HIM. INSTEAD, THE THINKING MAN SPENDS HIS TIME, HIS LIFE. UPHOLDING HIS INDIVIDUAL SELF AND PUTTING IT ABOVE ALL OTHER MEN.
WHAT SELFISHNESS! HOW ISOLATED AND LONELY THE THINKING MAN IS! HOW HE PITS HIMSELF AGAINST OTHERS, AGAINST THE WORLD … WHAT IS THE THINKING MAN SO AFRAID OF?
BEING! THE THINKING MAN IS AFRAID OF BEING. AFRAID OF LIVING. HE IS SO FEARFUL OF HIS OWN NATURE THAT HE CONSTRUCTS HIMSELF A SMALL DEFINITION OF A BOX AND LIVES IN IT, OUTSIDE OF THE TEMPTATIONS OF NATURE. OUTSIDE IS WHERE HE KEEPS WHAT HE IS NOT. IF I KEEP WHAT I AM NOT AT A DISTANCE, I WILL NOT BE EXPOSED TO WHAT I AM NOT; I AM AT LESSER RISK OF BECOMING WHAT I AM NOT.
THE THINKING MAN IS AFRAID OF WHAT HE HAS DEFINED AS “NOT-I” BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF BECOMING IT AND LOSING HIS SELF-WILLED CONCEPT OF “I.” IF I AM NOT I, THEN WHAT AM I? TO THE THINKING MAN, THE ANSWER IS NOTHING. I AM NOTHING. TO BE NOTHING IS THE THINKING MAN’S GREATEST FEAR.
THE CONTRADICTORY NATURE OF THE THINKING MAN IS THAT HE SEPARATES HIMSELF SO DRASTICALLY FROM THIS GREAT FEAR THAT HE BECOMES IT. HE IS SO DEEPLY AFRAID OF BEING NOTHING, WHICH EQUATES TO A LIVING DEATH, THAT HE ISOLATES HIMSELF FROM EVERYTHING AND CONSEQUENTLY BECOMES NOTHING.
DEATH IS ALSO HIS GREAT FEAR; HE LIVES IN A CONSTANT FEAR OF DEATH, OF BEING NOTHING, THAT MUCH OF HIS LIFE IS SPENT LOOKING BACKWARD ONTO HIMSELF FROM A FUTURE SELF ON THE BRINK OF DEATH. FROM HERE, HE JUDGES HIS PRESENT SELF WITH PITY, REGRET, REMORSE—HE LOOKS DOWN ON HIMSELF FROM ABOVE. THIS IS THE STATE IN WHICH THE THINKING MAN LIVES: ALWAYS LOOKING DOWN UPON HIMSELF, TELLING HIMSELF WHAT HE IS AND WHAT HE IS NOT. FROM ABOVE, I WILL ALWAYS BE SMALLER, LESS SIGNIFICANT, LESS MEANINGFUL TO THE WHOLE.
THE THINKING MAN IS PRESCRIPTIVE. HE HAS A VERY CLEAR SET OF DEFINITIONS AND TERMS BY WHICH HE CAN SEE THE WORLD AND OTHERS BY. HE IS A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY. HE SEES WHAT HE WANTS TO SEE, AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT HE WILL CHOOSE AGAINST HIMSELF. HE HAS DECIDED TO SEE OTHERS AS ENEMY, ANY ACTION AS AN AFFRONT TO HIMSELF, ANY MISFORTUNE AS DESERVED. THE THINKING MAN IS AGAINST HIMSELF AND AGAINST THE WORLD; HE SEPARATES THE TWO. HE DOES NOT SEE HIMSELF AS PART OF THE WORLD, BUT OUTSIDE OF IT.
BEING AN OUTSIDER IS EASY FOR THE THINKING MAN. IT CREATES A DEFINITIVE “I AM” AND “I AM NOT,” AND EXCUSES HIM FROM THE CONDUCT OF THE WORLD, FROM WHAT HE IS NOT. THE THINKING MAN IS AN AUTONOMOUS FEEDBACK LOOP OF ISOLATION AND SELF-PITY. HE LETS NO ONE AND NOTHING IN. WHAT HE DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT IN THIS, HE KEEPS HIMSELF OUT.
THE THINKING MAN DOES NOT LIVE IN THE WORLD. HE LIVES IN HIS OWN WORLD—AT LEAST TO HIMSELF. HE CREATES A WORLD FOR HE HIMSELF AND ONLY HIMSELF TO LIVE IN. HE IS CONFINED TO HIMSELF. HE IS HIS OWN WORST ENEMY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE THINKING MAN IS CONFRONTED BY ANOTHER? USUALLY, HE REMAINS UNAFFECTED. HE DOES NOT SEE HIMSELF WORTHY OF OTHERS’ ATTENTION OR AFFECTION, SO HE REMAINS CLOSED OFF TO IT. EVERY SO OFTEN, HOWEVER, AND RARELY, THE THINKING MAN BECOMES AFFECTED BY THE EXTERNAL. HE FEELS SEEN, UNDERSTOOD, AND CARED FOR BY ANOTHER. HE FEELS! WHICH SHAKES HIS ENTIRE CONCEPT OF SELF AS THINKING MAN, NOT-FEELING MAN.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE THINKING MAN FEELS? IT CREATES A WAR WITHIN HIMSELF. A RIFT, A CONFLICT OF TWO SELVES WITHIN ONE SELF. HIS CONSTRUCTED “I” IS CONFRONTED WITH HIS NATURAL “I,” AND BOTH TRY TO EXIST AT ONCE. THE THINKING MAN FEELS, LOSES HIMSELF, FINDS HIMSELF LOST IN FEELING, AND IMMEDIATELY TRIES TO WILL HIS SELF BACK. I CAN THINK MYSELF OUT OF THIS! AND HE DOES—MAN RETURNS TO THE CAVE OF HIS OWN WORLD, THROUGH A COMBINATION OF SELF-PITY, SELF-DISCIPLINE, SELF-CONDEMNATION, AND A RETURN TO ISOLATION.
THE THINKING MAN THEN FEELS A SENSE OF RELIEF FROM HIS EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. VICTORY! I’VE PULLED MYSELF OUT OF MY TEMPTATIONS YET AGAIN! BUT SLOWLY, THEN ALL AT ONCE, THE EXPOSURE MAN HAS HAD TO LIFE FLOODS BACK IN, AND THE THINKING MAN IS TORN, SEGMENTED, SPLIT YET AGAIN. HE IS CONFRONTED WITH WHAT HE IS NOT, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE, AND THE INTERNAL CONFLICT IS AS STRONG, IF NOT STRONGER, THAN BEFORE. HE FINDS HIMSELF DOTING ON BEING LOST IN FEELING, IN GIVING HIMSELF UP TO THE WORLD AND THE OTHER. BUT NO! WHAT HAVE I WORKED SO HARD MY WHOLE LIFE TO PRESERVE? I WILL NOT GIVE MYSELF UP FOR THIS ONE MOMENT OF WEAKNESS! HE WILL RETURN TO HIMSELF STRONGER THAN EVER: MORE ISOLATED, MORE DISCIPLINED. THE CYCLE INTENSIFIES, REPEATS. MAN CAN NEVER TRULY ISOLATE HIMSELF AND ONLY HIMSELF TO HIS OWN THOUGHTS.
HOW, WHEN DOES THE THINKING MAN BREAK THE CYCLE? HE MUST BE BROKEN, BROKEN AGAIN AND AGAIN. HE MUST BE BROKEN TO A POINT OF EXHAUSTION AT HIS OWN MISERY, HIS OWN PITY. ONLY WHEN I REACH THE POINT OF NOTHING AM I WILLING TO ASK FOR THE ONLY THING THERE IS LEFT TO ASK FOR: SOMETHING.
HE TURNS TO GOD. HE TURNS TO OTHERS. HE SURRENDERS HIMSELF. HE SEES GLIMPSES OF HIS WEAK SELF AND SAYS, “I AM WEAK.” HE HOLDS ONTO HIMSELF LESS AND LESS; HE DOESN’T HAVE THE STRENGTH. IN THIS WEAKNESS, HE SEES GLIMPSES OF LIGHT. HE SEES OTHER WAYS OF BEING, OTHER SELVES TO BE. HE GIVES HIMSELF UP TO THE OTHER, TO THE WORLD. AND WHEN HE HAS THE COURAGE TO THINK AGAIN, HE IS SO AFRAID OF HIS OLD SELF THAT HE DOES ANYTHING IN HIS POWER TO NOT BE OR BECOME HIM AGAIN. THE THINKING MAN BECOMES ANOTHER.
HE DOES NOT DEFINE OR CONTROL THIS SELF; HE GIVES HIMSELF UP. HE TRUSTS THE WORLD. HE TRUSTS HIMSELF, BECAUSE HE TRUSTS THE WORLD. HE SEES HIMSELF AS PART OF THE WORLD. HE SEES BEING AS GREATER THAN HIMSELF. HE IS AN EQUAL AMONG EQUALS, NOT ABOVE, NOR BELOW. THE THINKING MAN IS MAN AS THINKING IS THINKING.
THE THINKING SELF, THE THINKING MAN, IS ALMOST ALWAYS THE MAN IN DESPAIR, THE MAN OF SELF-LOATHING, THE MAN WHO HAS BOTH AN UNDERLYING, PERSISTENT DEATH WISH AND A PERSISTENT FEAR OF DEATH. DEATH, IN THE BIOLOGICAL SENSE, AND THE DEATH OF HIMSELF—A DEATH OF THE SELF HE HAS COME TO KNOW AND DEFINE HIMSELF AS.
THE MAN IN THOUGHT IS SO CONCERNED WITH HIS CONCEPT OF SELF, WITH DEFINING, REDEFINING, KNOWING HIMSELF, THAT HE FORGETS TO BE HIMSELF. HIS THOUGHTS LIMIT HIS REALITY TO WORDS, AND HIS LIFE BECOMES A CONSTANT AND EVER-INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATING BATTLE TO UNDERSTAND, TO KNOW. HE IS OBSESSED WITH KNOWING AND IN THAT, CONTROLLING. THE THINKING MAN HAS A NEED TO DEFINE, TO LABEL, TO SORT; TO MAKE SENSE OF HIMSELF, OF THE WORLD, OF HIMSELF IN THE WORLD.
THE INTERIOR WORLD SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THE EXTERIOR WORLD FOR THE THINKING MAN, HIS INNER REALITY MORE REAL THAN EXTERNAL REALITY. I THINK, THEREFORE I AM; I THINK WHAT I BELIEVE, THEREFORE I BELIEVE WHAT I THINK. I AM A CLOSED LOOP OF THOUGHT.
THE CLOSED CYCLE LEAVES NO ROOM FOR WHAT LIES OUTSIDE OF THE “I.” I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK; YOU DO NOT THINK ME INTO EXISTENCE.
HOWEVER; WHAT I THINK AND WHAT I AM, LINKED AS DEPENDENT CLAUSES, IS AFFECTED BY WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU ARE. MAN DOES NOT EXIST IN AN ISOLATED ECHO CHAMBER OF HIMSELF, OF THE “I,” AS MUCH AS HE MAY THINK HIMSELF INTO ONE.
WHEN THE CYCLE OF “I” IS INTERRUPTED, MAN IS CONFRONTED WITH HIMSELF. HE BECOMES A REACTIONARY “I” RATHER THAN A SELF-AFFIRMING “I.” HIS SENSE OF SELF, HIS CONCEPT OF “I,” IS CHALLENGED.
MAN IS ABLE TO MAINTAIN AND UPHOLD A CONSISTENT SENSE OF IDENTITY AS LONG AS HE IS NOT CONFRONTED WITH THE OTHER. THIS IDENTIFIED SELF IS SEEN AS STABLE BECAUSE IT IS SEEN AS RESILIENT. BUT A MAN WHO DOES NOT CHANGE PUTS ALL OF HIS ENERGY INTO PRESERVING AND HOLDING ONTO WHAT HE KNOWS TO BE HIMSELF; HE DOES NOT LEARN, HE DOES NOT GROW, HE DOES NOT ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE IMPACTED, AFFECTED, CHANGED. HE DOES NOT EVOLVE.
WHAT IN NATURE DOES NOT CHANGE AND EVOLVE OVER TIME? IN MAN’S RESISTANCE TO THE EXTERNAL, IN HIS STEADFAST STRENGTH AND GOAL OF HOLDING ONTO HIMSELF, HE DEFIES HIS OWN NATURE. WHAT A PARADOX! HE THINKS HE IS GREATER THAN OTHER MEN, THEN MAN HIMSELF, BECAUSE OF HIS SELF-WILL. HIS OWN IDEA OF HIS NATURE TAKES ALL PRECEDENCE AND GUIDANCE OVER WHAT NATURE HAS GIVEN HIM. HAS BIRTHED OF HIM. INSTEAD, THE THINKING MAN SPENDS HIS TIME, HIS LIFE. UPHOLDING HIS INDIVIDUAL SELF AND PUTTING IT ABOVE ALL OTHER MEN.
WHAT SELFISHNESS! HOW ISOLATED AND LONELY THE THINKING MAN IS! HOW HE PITS HIMSELF AGAINST OTHERS, AGAINST THE WORLD … WHAT IS THE THINKING MAN SO AFRAID OF?
BEING! THE THINKING MAN IS AFRAID OF BEING. AFRAID OF LIVING. HE IS SO FEARFUL OF HIS OWN NATURE THAT HE CONSTRUCTS HIMSELF A SMALL DEFINITION OF A BOX AND LIVES IN IT, OUTSIDE OF THE TEMPTATIONS OF NATURE. OUTSIDE IS WHERE HE KEEPS WHAT HE IS NOT. IF I KEEP WHAT I AM NOT AT A DISTANCE, I WILL NOT BE EXPOSED TO WHAT I AM NOT; I AM AT LESSER RISK OF BECOMING WHAT I AM NOT.
THE THINKING MAN IS AFRAID OF WHAT HE HAS DEFINED AS “NOT-I” BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF BECOMING IT AND LOSING HIS SELF-WILLED CONCEPT OF “I.” IF I AM NOT I, THEN WHAT AM I? TO THE THINKING MAN, THE ANSWER IS NOTHING. I AM NOTHING. TO BE NOTHING IS THE THINKING MAN’S GREATEST FEAR.
THE CONTRADICTORY NATURE OF THE THINKING MAN IS THAT HE SEPARATES HIMSELF SO DRASTICALLY FROM THIS GREAT FEAR THAT HE BECOMES IT. HE IS SO DEEPLY AFRAID OF BEING NOTHING, WHICH EQUATES TO A LIVING DEATH, THAT HE ISOLATES HIMSELF FROM EVERYTHING AND CONSEQUENTLY BECOMES NOTHING.
DEATH IS ALSO HIS GREAT FEAR; HE LIVES IN A CONSTANT FEAR OF DEATH, OF BEING NOTHING, THAT MUCH OF HIS LIFE IS SPENT LOOKING BACKWARD ONTO HIMSELF FROM A FUTURE SELF ON THE BRINK OF DEATH. FROM HERE, HE JUDGES HIS PRESENT SELF WITH PITY, REGRET, REMORSE—HE LOOKS DOWN ON HIMSELF FROM ABOVE. THIS IS THE STATE IN WHICH THE THINKING MAN LIVES: ALWAYS LOOKING DOWN UPON HIMSELF, TELLING HIMSELF WHAT HE IS AND WHAT HE IS NOT. FROM ABOVE, I WILL ALWAYS BE SMALLER, LESS SIGNIFICANT, LESS MEANINGFUL TO THE WHOLE.
THE THINKING MAN IS PRESCRIPTIVE. HE HAS A VERY CLEAR SET OF DEFINITIONS AND TERMS BY WHICH HE CAN SEE THE WORLD AND OTHERS BY. HE IS A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY. HE SEES WHAT HE WANTS TO SEE, AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT HE WILL CHOOSE AGAINST HIMSELF. HE HAS DECIDED TO SEE OTHERS AS ENEMY, ANY ACTION AS AN AFFRONT TO HIMSELF, ANY MISFORTUNE AS DESERVED. THE THINKING MAN IS AGAINST HIMSELF AND AGAINST THE WORLD; HE SEPARATES THE TWO. HE DOES NOT SEE HIMSELF AS PART OF THE WORLD, BUT OUTSIDE OF IT.
BEING AN OUTSIDER IS EASY FOR THE THINKING MAN. IT CREATES A DEFINITIVE “I AM” AND “I AM NOT,” AND EXCUSES HIM FROM THE CONDUCT OF THE WORLD, FROM WHAT HE IS NOT. THE THINKING MAN IS AN AUTONOMOUS FEEDBACK LOOP OF ISOLATION AND SELF-PITY. HE LETS NO ONE AND NOTHING IN. WHAT HE DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT IN THIS, HE KEEPS HIMSELF OUT.
THE THINKING MAN DOES NOT LIVE IN THE WORLD. HE LIVES IN HIS OWN WORLD—AT LEAST TO HIMSELF. HE CREATES A WORLD FOR HE HIMSELF AND ONLY HIMSELF TO LIVE IN. HE IS CONFINED TO HIMSELF. HE IS HIS OWN WORST ENEMY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE THINKING MAN IS CONFRONTED BY ANOTHER? USUALLY, HE REMAINS UNAFFECTED. HE DOES NOT SEE HIMSELF WORTHY OF OTHERS’ ATTENTION OR AFFECTION, SO HE REMAINS CLOSED OFF TO IT. EVERY SO OFTEN, HOWEVER, AND RARELY, THE THINKING MAN BECOMES AFFECTED BY THE EXTERNAL. HE FEELS SEEN, UNDERSTOOD, AND CARED FOR BY ANOTHER. HE FEELS! WHICH SHAKES HIS ENTIRE CONCEPT OF SELF AS THINKING MAN, NOT-FEELING MAN.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE THINKING MAN FEELS? IT CREATES A WAR WITHIN HIMSELF. A RIFT, A CONFLICT OF TWO SELVES WITHIN ONE SELF. HIS CONSTRUCTED “I” IS CONFRONTED WITH HIS NATURAL “I,” AND BOTH TRY TO EXIST AT ONCE. THE THINKING MAN FEELS, LOSES HIMSELF, FINDS HIMSELF LOST IN FEELING, AND IMMEDIATELY TRIES TO WILL HIS SELF BACK. I CAN THINK MYSELF OUT OF THIS! AND HE DOES—MAN RETURNS TO THE CAVE OF HIS OWN WORLD, THROUGH A COMBINATION OF SELF-PITY, SELF-DISCIPLINE, SELF-CONDEMNATION, AND A RETURN TO ISOLATION.
THE THINKING MAN THEN FEELS A SENSE OF RELIEF FROM HIS EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. VICTORY! I’VE PULLED MYSELF OUT OF MY TEMPTATIONS YET AGAIN! BUT SLOWLY, THEN ALL AT ONCE, THE EXPOSURE MAN HAS HAD TO LIFE FLOODS BACK IN, AND THE THINKING MAN IS TORN, SEGMENTED, SPLIT YET AGAIN. HE IS CONFRONTED WITH WHAT HE IS NOT, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE, AND THE INTERNAL CONFLICT IS AS STRONG, IF NOT STRONGER, THAN BEFORE. HE FINDS HIMSELF DOTING ON BEING LOST IN FEELING, IN GIVING HIMSELF UP TO THE WORLD AND THE OTHER. BUT NO! WHAT HAVE I WORKED SO HARD MY WHOLE LIFE TO PRESERVE? I WILL NOT GIVE MYSELF UP FOR THIS ONE MOMENT OF WEAKNESS! HE WILL RETURN TO HIMSELF STRONGER THAN EVER: MORE ISOLATED, MORE DISCIPLINED. THE CYCLE INTENSIFIES, REPEATS. MAN CAN NEVER TRULY ISOLATE HIMSELF AND ONLY HIMSELF TO HIS OWN THOUGHTS.
HOW, WHEN DOES THE THINKING MAN BREAK THE CYCLE? HE MUST BE BROKEN, BROKEN AGAIN AND AGAIN. HE MUST BE BROKEN TO A POINT OF EXHAUSTION AT HIS OWN MISERY, HIS OWN PITY. ONLY WHEN I REACH THE POINT OF NOTHING AM I WILLING TO ASK FOR THE ONLY THING THERE IS LEFT TO ASK FOR: SOMETHING.
HE TURNS TO GOD. HE TURNS TO OTHERS. HE SURRENDERS HIMSELF. HE SEES GLIMPSES OF HIS WEAK SELF AND SAYS, “I AM WEAK.” HE HOLDS ONTO HIMSELF LESS AND LESS; HE DOESN’T HAVE THE STRENGTH. IN THIS WEAKNESS, HE SEES GLIMPSES OF LIGHT. HE SEES OTHER WAYS OF BEING, OTHER SELVES TO BE. HE GIVES HIMSELF UP TO THE OTHER, TO THE WORLD. AND WHEN HE HAS THE COURAGE TO THINK AGAIN, HE IS SO AFRAID OF HIS OLD SELF THAT HE DOES ANYTHING IN HIS POWER TO NOT BE OR BECOME HIM AGAIN. THE THINKING MAN BECOMES ANOTHER.
HE DOES NOT DEFINE OR CONTROL THIS SELF; HE GIVES HIMSELF UP. HE TRUSTS THE WORLD. HE TRUSTS HIMSELF, BECAUSE HE TRUSTS THE WORLD. HE SEES HIMSELF AS PART OF THE WORLD. HE SEES BEING AS GREATER THAN HIMSELF. HE IS AN EQUAL AMONG EQUALS, NOT ABOVE, NOR BELOW. THE THINKING MAN IS MAN AS THINKING IS THINKING.
LANGUAGE IS THE ULTIMATE PARADOX. IN LANGUAGE, WE SEEK TO UNDERSTAND AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND UNDERSTAND COLLECTIVELY. LANGUAGE USED BY ONE IS AN ABSTRACTION—THE WORD IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE THING. LANGUAGE USED BY A COLLECTIVE IS AN ABSTRACTION OF THIS ABSTRACTION, ANY COMMUNICATION BETWEEN INDIVIDUALS A DOUBLE ABSTRACTION. THE WORD IS AN INTERPRETATION OF THE THING; THE WORD COMMUNICATED IS AN ABSTRACTION OF THE WORD. THE WORD MEANS ONE THING TO ME AND ANOTHER TO YOU. WORD IS ATTACHED TO MEANING AND FEELING; MY WORD FEELS DIFFERENTLY THAN YOUR WORD. OUR WORDS ARE AN INTERPRETATION. WE INTERPRET DIFFERENTLY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN WE CEASE TO VALUE THE WORD?
HOW ISOLATING IS LANGUAGE, AND HOW MUCH DOES IT BRING US TOGETHER? LANGUAGE IS AS MEANINGFUL AS TRUTH; LANGUAGE IS AS COMPROMISING AS TRUTH. WHEN I SAY “HELLO,” AND YOU HEAR ME SAY “HELLO,” THERE IS MORE BEHIND THE WORD FOR BOTH OF US. [THE SAME WORD HOLDS DIFFERENT MEANINGS FOR THE BOTH OF US]. HOW DO WE DECONSTRUCT, STRIP THINGS OF MEANING, TO GET TO THE ESSENCE OF THE THING? HOW DO WE LET THINGS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES? THOSE THINGS THAT CANNOT SPEAK?
LANGUAGE TAKES AWAY FROM THE ESSENCE OF THE THING, THE THING THAT IS NOT TIED TO LANGUAGE (LANGUAGE IS NOT TIED TO THE THING). WE PRESCRIBE LANGUAGE TO THE THING AND, IN THAT, PRESCRIBE MEANING. LANGUAGE IS A QUALIFICATION. LANGUAGE IS A MEANS OF SEARCHING FOR UNDERSTANDING; LANGUAGE IS THE MEANS BY WHICH WE DO NOT FIND IT.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN WE CEASE TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD? WHEN WE CEASE TO PUT OUR MEANING, INTERPRETATION, VALUE, UNDERSTANDING ONTO THINGS—WHEN WE CEASE TO USE LANGUAGE—AND WE ALLOW UNDERSTANDING TO COME TO US? WE HAVE SURPASSED UNDERSTANDING, UNDERSTANDING TOO MUCH, EVERYTHING IS TOO CODED WITH MEANING, NOTHING IS PURE.
WHEN WE CEASE TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD, WE BEGIN TO EXPERIENCE IT. WE COME TO OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; WE COME TO UNDERSTAND OURSELVES AND IN THAT, UNDERSTAND THE WORLD. WE ALLOW THE WORLD TO COME TO US RATHER THAN PUTTING OURSELVES UNTO THE WORLD.
+ PETER BRIGGS
+ YAMAMOTO MASAO
︎
